The good news is in between the last time I complained about OkCupid and today, I found the button to disable my profile. The bad news is that leaves me with very little fodder to feed you readers because all of my humorous stories originated from the misguided aim of Cupid’s arrow.
I’ve always felt a little guilty about taking specific examples from my OKCupid interactions and posting them because it DOES take guts to contact matches on dating websites. I rarely do it myself because it’s hard to put yourself out there, and I admire those of you who do it regularly! But for the love of everything holy, what are some of these people thinking?! Still, I like to think that despite the fact that I am a cold-hearted, cheating ex-Girlfriend I do have some compassion left in my heart. So I’ve held off sharing the specific instances that caused guffaws. Unless I actually met them in person. I don’t know why the rules changed then.
Lucky for you a good friend sent me a Buzzfeed link with 26 examples of absolutely horrible OKCupid combinations. Seems like the people at Buzzfeed are more willing to jump in the hand-basket destined for the home of ragged clothing and flames than I am. You should check this out– some are pictures, some are quotes, some are both. Please note the gentlemen that wants to liberate your pleasure wave. I’ll give you a 10 second headstart, ladies, otherwise he’s mine.
Since I did close down my OKCupid account I feel like I can share with you the message that caused me to throw my hands up and say “Why am I trying?” (and “What is wrong with my writing skills that this is what I’m attracting). It’s definitely not the worst I’ve gotten on there. I’ve gotten messages that would make 50 Shades of Gray fans blush– I think it’s the plight of a blonde lady to take disgusting messages on dating websites. I’ve gotten random questions (“What flavor of yogurt are you? I actually answered that one!) and friendly suggestions (thank you, gentleman who said I should take out the paragraph about my love of college football! you made me feel very good about myself). But this was the last straw, and I don’t know why:
What about you readers? Do you like waterfalls, rainbows, and fields filled with flowers? Let me know, I might know somebody you should meet!
(One day I will stop being a bitch, okay?)